I have a close friend who runs a psychology practice, and I recently began assisting her with a few cases. One of the cases that our client has allowed me to discuss with my readers revolves around the challenges she is facing in her marriage. Her husband openly flirts with other women, showing no respect for her feelings. Despite discussing divorce multiple times and even threatening to leave, she finds herself trapped due to financial constraints and lack of support from her estranged family.
What's even more disheartening is the advice she receives from those around her, including family, friends, and even her own mother-in-law, who normalize the husband's behavior and suggest that she should change herself to please him. The toxic environment she finds herself in, with no one to turn to for help, paints a bleak picture of her situation.
She is frequently advised to exercise patience with him and allow him to engage in whatever activities he deems manly, and to welcome him back with open arms upon his return. As long as he fulfills his role as a provider and takes care of her financially, ensuring their home is well-stocked with food and other necessities, she should refrain from complaining and instead appreciate the fact that he comes home to her at the end of the day. Whenever she tried to explain his behavior to his family, they told her he was simply being a man and as long as he wasn't hitting her or physically abusing her, she was safe.
The constant gas lighting she endures has left her feeling bewildered, to the point where she even questioned me about the normalcy of such behavior in men. I reassured her that this was far from the truth. Although I, along with many others, tend to make generalizations about men, claiming they are all the same, the reality is quite different. There are numerous good men out there who are loving, loyal, respectful husbands and fathers. Unfortunately, they often go unnoticed amidst the majority, making them as rare as a diamond in the rough.
As I reflected on the session's conclusion, my mind couldn't help but dwell on the issue at hand. It's astonishing how society has come to accept and normalize men's inclination to flirt with women other than their wives, sometimes even engaging with multiple women. Some men confine these relationships to the virtual realm, while others take it a step further and embark on full-blown affairs, going as far as starting families with these other women.
What baffles me the most is their audacity to profess their unwavering love for their wives while engaging in such deceitful behavior. It's truly perplexing how these men manage to navigate their way through these interactions, all the while pretending to remain loyal to their wives.
One might assume that the solution to this predicament is straightforward either end the relationship or marriage in certain cases, or in rare instances, tolerate the behavior for the sake of the children involved, or if the husband genuinely acknowledges his mistake and endeavors to change. However, the latter option doesn't always yield positive results, as pathological cheaters seldom alter their ways or cease their infidelity abruptly, even if they experience remorse. Instead, they adapt their methods of cheating to avoid getting caught again.
It's a complex and disheartening situation, one that raises questions about the nature of commitment and the boundaries of fidelity. How can individuals engage in such duplicity, all while professing their love and devotion to their partners? It's a conundrum that leaves many of us pondering the intricacies of human behavior and the fragility of trust within relationships.
One of my friends also confided in me about a distressing discovery she made on her husband's phone. She was unsure of how to approach him because she had looked through his phone while he was away, following a gut feeling. Despite him being a kind and loving husband who treated her like royalty, she stumbled upon evidence of him flirting with another woman online.
Despite the fact that there were only two occasions throughout their six-year marriage and three children, she discovered her husband engaging in flirtatious conversations with other women through text messages. However, instead of hastily confronting him about it, she decided to take her time and carefully consider her next steps. However, she now struggles to trust him and feels that their marriage has undergone a significant shift. The conversation she witnessed could be just one of many that he has hidden, deleted, or saved on another device.
Normally, I would advise her to confront him and end the relationship, but knowing how much they love each other and having witnessed their closeness, I was unsure of what advice to give. I was also taken aback by the revelation. I left her house feeling somber and uncertain. Adultery may not be a new phenomenon, but it still surprises me when those I least expect engage in such behavior. I wish that making decisions in relationships were straightforward, but unfortunately, they are not always so.
However, this does not mean that society should accept men as cheaters and lower their expectations. Men should be held to a higher standard, encouraging them to act as mature and responsible partners. It is imperative that we never condone or normalize cheating, regardless of gender. Cheating is a breach of trust and integrity that should be universally condemned. It is essential to hold everyone accountable for their actions, irrespective of their gender, and promote a culture of honesty and respect in all aspects of life.